PET LOSS
GRIEVING THE LOSS OF A LOVED ONE
Having to say goodbye for the final time to your beloved pet is an absolutely devastating time.
At RORY'S APAWTHECARY, we understand the support pet parents and their family need during this extremely difficult time and we are here to support you as much as possible.
In this page you will find important information on topics related to preparing for the loss of your pet to how to help yourself, or someone you know that may be grieving from such loss.
While this is a very painful and difficult topic to cover, it is an extremely important one and it is our hope that you can find something useful to you.
If you need any further support, please do not hesitate to contact us and we will try our best to help you as much as we can.
Sending you light and love,
RORY'S APAWTHECARY 🙏🐾
RORY'S APAWTHECARY
UNDER THE MANGO TREE
The information we have compiled below is information we have put together from different sources that exists on the Internet.
The goal is that you may find a piece of information that is useful for you.
We are not experts in mental health or in pet loss, so please seek out professional help if you need.
We are not experts in mental health or in pet loss, so please seek out professional help if you need.
PREPARING FOR THE LOSS OF YOUR PET
PET HOSPICE (END OF LIFE MANAGEMENT)
For pet owners, the terminal diagnosis of a pet can be a time filled with conflicting emotions. For some, this burden may be eased with the option of caring for a dying pet at home.
The goal of pet hospice shifts from trying to cure an illness to providing as much comfort, and managing as best as possible for your pet.
Hospice for pets takes place in the pet's home, in the presence of the pet's family, and familiar surroundings. This is to ensure maximum comfort and feelings of safety for the animal.
Many pet parents prefer to have a mobile vet or veterinary nurse come home but in most cases hospice involves certain trips to the veterinarian clinic.
HOW DOES HOSPICE WORK?
- It is an option only for pets that have been diagnosed with a terminal illness with a short life expectancy
- A veterinarian is able and agrees to oversee the medical management of your pet's illness mostly from home
- A team at home can provide basic nursing service, or you have access to mobile veterinary nurses that can perform quality-of-life assessments, end-of-life arrangements, and any further needed support
While hospice is sometimes thought to be an alternative to euthanasia, this is not necessarily true. The vast majority of pet parents choosing hospice embrace euthanasia too as an option that should remain on the table if and when an animal's suffering becomes too great.
EUTHANASIA
Deciding to put your animal companion to rest is one of the toughest decisions any pet parent has to make. However, the time may come when your pet needs your help to transition from life to death.
Euthanasia is a highly personal decision. Several factors should be considered:
- Activity levels: Is your pet able to be active at all?
- Response levels: Is your pet able to respond at all?
- Level of pain and suffering: Is your pet experiencing pain or suffering that outweighs his/her ability to enjoy pleasure?
- Terminal illnesses and critical injuries: Is your pet facing certain death or does your pet have a critical injury that prohibits him/her to enjoy the rest of his/her life?
No two cases are the same and you should speak to a veterinary doctor you trust. Your chosen veterinary doctor may be able to recommend any alternative options available, walk you through any concerns, and offer any further guidance.
Once the decision is made that ending your pet's suffering is in your pet's best interest, consider the rest of your family and take the time to create a process that is as peaceful as possible for your pet, yourself, and your family.
* If you have children, involve your child in the process. Be honest and explain why this choice is necessary to end suffering. Give your child the chance to say goodbye in their own way.
HOW DOES EUTHANASIA WORK?
- The veterinarian may administer a tranquilizer if necessary to calm your pet (such as in the case of traumatic accidents)
- Once the injection is given with the euthanasia drug, death will come quickly and painless
- Your pet may twitch/ move its legs or breathe deeply several times before leaving but these are reflexes and do not mean that your pet is in pain or suffering
- Once the injection is given with the euthanasia drug, death will come quickly and painless
- Your pet may twitch/ move its legs or breathe deeply several times before leaving but these are reflexes and do not mean that your pet is in pain or suffering
LOSS OF PET IN THE UNITED ARAB EMIRATES
WHAT TO DO IF YOUR PET PASSES AWAY AT HOME (NOT IN A VETERINARY CLINIC)?
- If your pet passes suddenly and you are not in a veterinary clinic, or if you choose to end your pet's life in the comfort of your pet's home, please call your local veterinary clinic can arrange for the collection of your pet
BURIAL
- Burial of a pet in the United Arab Emirates is not permitted especially in the case of rented accommodation.
CREMATION
- Municipality is responsible for the cremation of animals in the United Arab Emirates
- Your veterinary clinic will arrange for your pet to be cremated in a Municipality approved crematorium
- You may specify to your veterinary clinic if you wish for your pet's ashes to be returned to you and the ashes will be returned to you within a specified time frame in a discreet wooden box
- Many vets in the United Arab Emirates have options you can choose from for how you would like the ashes returned to you
WHAT TO DO IF YOU FIND A DECEASED ANIMAL IN A PUBLIC AREA?
- Please call your local Animal Control or any veterinary clinic if you encounter a dead animal in a public area. All veterinary clinics in the United Arab Emirates have contracts with companies licensed by your Emirate's Municipality to handle medical disposal and dead animals.
GRIEVING THE LOSS OF YOUR PET
GRIEF
Grieving is an individual experience that can not be compared. It is normal to feel overwhelmed by grief and the pain can trigger all sorts of difficult emotions. Exhibiting any feelings or emotions (be it sad, lonely, angry, guilty, etc) does not mean you are weak.
If the death of your loved one came suddenly and unexpectedly, it can be very difficult to deal with the shock and pain of it. But the process of coming to terms with a loss takes time. You may want to feel better instantly or "be done with the pain". But trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing can make it worse for you in the long run. Keep in mind that grief is never something that we can just "get over". This is because grieving is a process, not an event. It is something we move through. Please be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold.
Common feelings that come with grief include denial, anger, guilt, depression, and eventually, with time, the hope is that you will find acceptance in your way and some kind of resolution. Grief is not linear and episodes of emotions can come in waves. You may experience a series of highs and lows such as waking up one day feeling great but by lunchtime, you may be crying again and that is fine.
The process of coming to terms with a loss can take time and there is no need to feel guilty about hanging onto your pet's things, and no shame in sleeping in your pet's blanket. Some people need a reassuring reminder while others prefer to pack up their pet's belongings as they do not find it comforting. Each experience is individual and you should do what feels best and right for yourself.
BEYOND GRIEF
Grief is not only about pain. You may find that your painful experience can be intertwined with positive feelings such as moments of joy or peace and happiness. With time, the thoughts and memories of your loved one will no longer be preoccupying or disabling. Grief is not only about separation but also about finding new and meaningful ways of continuing your relationship with the deceased. Other forms of relationships exist and remain and will continue to evolve and change. It is not unusual for some to dream of their passed loved ones, sense their presence, feel them watching out or protecting them, etc. Others may continue a relationship with the deceased through living legacies, carrying out a particular mission, while others may periodically visit memories or light candles to keep memories alive. It is perfectly acceptable for you to move past grieving in whatever way you feel is right.
SPECIAL DAYS
There can be many events that will remind you of your pet that has passed. Days that are of significance such as holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, other losses, etc can be a particularly stressful time as they can evoke powerful memories and feelings that are directly personal. If there is a date you are dreading, spend some time in advance planning how you would like to spend it. Maybe you'd like to block your calendar on this day to stay home and be alone or maybe you'd like to make busy plans so that you do not have to be alone. Find your own way to remember your love and focus on happy memories and the good times shared in the past. There is no right answer so whatever you choose to do, that is right for you.
DELAYED GRIEF
For some, grief may come after some delay. Sudden loss often comes with feelings of numbness and may be accompanied by an inability to cope with grief immediately.
There is no definitive time associated with grief and mourning and delayed grief may occur weeks, months, or even years after a loss. But you can not heal from a loss until your feelings of grief are addressed and these feelings will eventually emerge.
Show yourself kindness and compassion. Do not judge yourself harshly or feel ashamed for not grieving in a designated way. There is no right or wrong way to grieve but it is important to pay attention to your emotions and permit yourself to grieve.
When delayed grief occurs, it can be confusing and you may need professional help to process your emotions and establish coping mechanisms. We have included some professional help sources for you under the RESOURCES below.
HOW TO HELP YOURSELF
DO NOT LET ANYONE TELL YOU HOW TO FEEL
- It is OK to not cry, or cry your heart out, or find moments of joy inside deep sadness. It is also OK to let go when you are ready.
- Pet loss may not be appreciated by everyone you are surrounded by. Not everyone has experienced a deep bond with a pet. Some people assume that pet loss should not hurt as much as human loss. Whatever their reasoning is, it does not matter. Your feelings are valid.
- Accept the fact that sometimes the best support may come from someone outside your usual circle of friends and family members who may not be able to relate to the depth of your grief.
REACH OUT TO OTHERS WHO HAVE LOST PETS
- If you do not have any friends or family who understand what you are going through, there are a lot of support groups that you can find online or in real life that can offer support.
- There are a lot of people who have similarly experienced a profound loss and may better understand what you are going through. Those who can appreciate the magnitude of your loss may be able to suggest ways of helping you get through your grieving process.
- Sometimes just sharing your sadness with someone else who can relate is enough.
LET OTHERS KNOW WHAT YOU NEED
- Maybe you need someone to pick up your child from school, or to find a cleaning service to help clean up while you grieve. Letting others around you know what you need is not a sign of weakness. Others will be happy to help and most will be relieved to know exactly what you need help in.
DO NOT NEGLECT YOUR NEEDS
- The stress of losing your pet can quickly deplete your energy and emotional reserves. Look after your physical and emotional needs. Spend time with people who care about you, get plenty of sleep, and drink enough water.
ALLOW YOURSELF A SMALL BREAK FROM SADNESS
- "Small joys or moments of pleasure can help us tolerate pain" so please try to take some time to do things that you love. Life can not be void of all joy just because you are grieving. Even if it only makes you feel better for a little moment, it's a great start.
SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP IF YOU NEED
If your grief is persistent and interferes with your ability to function, a professional can help. Please see the RESOURCES we have included below.
RESOURCES
BOOKS TO READ
ANIMAL COMMUNICATION BASED IN THE UNITED ARAB EMIRATES
GRIEF COUNSELING IN THE UNITED ARAB EMIRATES
GLOBAL & ONLINE MESSAGE BOARDS/ PET LOSS SUPPORT GROUPS
- Pet Loss
HELPING OTHERS WHO ARE GRIEVING
PET LOSS
PLEASE DO NOT COMPARE PET LOSS TO HUMAN LOSS
Losing a pet is an emotionally devastating experience but society may not recognize this painful loss even though the grief for pet loss may be equally as intense and as significant as a human loss.
A study in the New England Journal of Medicine (2017) explains "broken heart syndrome" which is the condition when a response to grief is so severe, a person can exhibit symptoms that mimic a heart attack, including elevated hormone levels that can be 30x greater than normal. This applies to grief from a pet loss as well.
While both human and pet loss are valid and difficult, people who experience pet loss often do not get the support they need from their community and society when their pet passes away. Recovering from pet loss requires just as much support and consideration from our community and society.
PLEASE DO NOT MAKE ANY DISMISSIVE COMMENTS
- "It was only a cat", "You can get a new dog" are not things you should say to someone who has lost a pet.
For some people, their everyday routine is anchored to taking care of their pets. Others rely on their pet as their source of unconditional love. The loss they are experiencing with the passing of their pet is valid. You may not understand their pain but they have the right to feel the way they do and you should not dismiss them or try to make their pain 'go away' just because you do not understand.
By dismissing their pain and not validating their emotions, you can make them feel guilty about their emotions. Remember, grief is different for every person and every loss and it can be extremely damaging to judge or label a person's grief.
SHOW EMPATHY
Pet loss may not be openly talked about in society but most pet owners will acknowledge that a pet is not just an animal. They are also beloved members of the family and very few human relationships can offer the level of trust and devotion that is comparable to a pet relationship.
Losing a pet can cause significant voids in people's lives including the change of daily routines and responsibilities that can cause crippling effects to a pet owner after a pet passes. Cats, dogs, horses, birds, and any other form of cherished pets provide companionship, reduce loneliness, help with depression, and can ease anxiety. Pets support their owner's emotional well-being and this is why a lot of pet owners may feel aimless and lost in the days and weeks that follow a pet's death.
In these difficult times, a little bit of empathy and compassion can go a long way. To have their grief recognized by someone else as significant and legitimate can help anyone going through loss to feel supported by others in their grief. In a time of such sadness, please show empathy to someone who has lost their pet so that they may not feel even more isolated and alone.
GIVING SOMEONE SOME TIME OFF
When we experience human loss, it is automatically assumed that some time off work will be taken to grieve. The same exception is not always given or understood when someone experiences pet loss. The person experiencing pet loss may even feel embarrassed or ashamed about the severity of their heartbreak and fear that by expressing their grief they may be perceived as overly sentimental, lacking in maturity, or emotionally weak.
If you know someone going through pet loss grieving and you are in the position to give them some time off, please do so without shaming them for feeling the way they do.
WHAT TO SAY OR DO
When someone you care about is grieving a loss, it can be difficult to know what to say or do to comfort them. They may also feel isolated and alone in their grief since the intense pain and difficult emotions they are going through can make it uncomfortable for others to offer support.
You may be afraid to intrude or say the wrong thing but you should not let discomfort stop you from reaching out to someone who needs your support.
You do not need to have the answers or even give any advice. You do not even have to say or do anything "right". While many times you can be more concerned about what to say, it is more important to listen and acknowledge their feelings as valid. They may not be able to tell you what they need but the most important thing you can do is simply to be there.
TO HELP A GRIEVING PERSON, UNDERSTAND THE GRIEVING PROCESS
- There is no right or wrong way to grieve
- Grieving may involve extreme emotions and behaviors you do not understand
- There is no timetable for grieving
OFFER PRACTICAL HELP
Offering practical assistance is essential especially when the person grieving finds it difficult to ask for help. You can ask them what they need and if you can, offer to help in some practical ways. Examples of practical help can include:
- Shop for their groceries
- Run errands on their behalf
- Drop off food
- Help with any arrangements
- Offer them a room in your home so they are not alone
- Take care of any housework they may need help with (such as cleaning or laundry)
- Watch their children/ pick children up from school
- Drive them if they need to go somewhere
- Look after their other pets if they need
- Accompany them on a walk
SUPPORTING YOUR OTHER PETS
Surviving pets may also experience loss when a pet dies. They may become distressed and may require additional comfort for the grief they are feeling too.
SIGNS OF STRESS AND GRIEF IN PETS
Changed circumstances together with your emotional state may trigger behavioral changes in your other pets.
- Demanding more attention, being more clingy or needy
- Withdrawal
- Whimpering, or increased frequency and volume of vocalizations
- Refusing to eat or drink, loss of appetite
- Eating much slower
- Lethargy
- Sleeping more than usual
- House soiling
- Destruction of toys or furniture
WAYS TO SUPPORT GRIEVING PETS
It is important not to punish your pets for their grief.
- Stick to daily routines. Maintain a consistent mealtime schedule and continue any daily walks / other outdoor activities, as well as playtime.
- Offer extra attention and affection to help pets recover emotionally from the loss of their friend.
- Calming aids such as natural aromatherapy relief or music therapy
- Calming supplements to alleviate your pet's anxiety
- You may provide new, mentally stimulating toys and chews for dogs or new cat trees or interactive toys for cats to keep their mind busy
Eventually, surviving pets will recover and fall back into their daily routine. However, if your pet continues to decline physically or emotionally, please consult with your veterinary doctor to make sure there are no underlying medical conditions that are causing these symptoms that you initially thought were attributed to grief.
SUPPORTING CHILDREN
Losing a family member affects everyone in the household. Many children may not even remember a time in their life when the pet was not around. The loss of a pet may also be your child's first experience with death. This is your first opportunity to share with your child the ways to cope with and manage difficult emotions.
A child may feel angry or blame themselves (or you) for the pet's death. Reassure your child that they are not responsible.
A child may feel scared that other loved ones may also leave them. It is important to talk about all the feelings and concerns your child is having. You may need to reassure your child that their other loved ones are also not likely to go away anytime soon. Children require reassurance so please be patient and answer any questions as truthfully as you can.
While some parents feel that shielding their children from the sadness of losing a pet is appropriate, doing so can leave a child feeling even more confused, frightened, and even betrayed when they finally learn the truth. Allow your children honesty and the opportunity to grieve in their way.
Create a memory of the pet together with your child. Examples can include a memorial service or arts and crafts activities that also allow the child to remember the good times shared with the pet is helpful for your child to express their feelings openly and to process the loss. Pay attention to the way your child plays as this can be how they communicate grief.
Follow your children's lead. Let them know you are there for them if and when they do feel a need to talk about it.
Please do not rush out and get a replacement pet for your family before everyone has had the chance to grieve the loss they feel. Your children may feel disloyal, or you could be sending a message that grief and sadness when a soul passes on can be simply overcome by a replacement. Each animal has their unique personality and a new animal will not replace the one you lost. You will know when the right time is to make that next step.
SUPPORTING SENIORS
The death of a pet can hit a senior member of your family harder, especially if the pet was their sole companion. Many seniors have pets that provide them with a structure for their day and give them a sense of meaning, purpose, and self-worth.
Seniors with pets that have passed should not be spending day after day alone. It is important to boost your senior family members' vitality and to continue to encourage them to keep up activity levels after the loss of a pet.
If you know a senior who has lost an animal companion, please check in on him/her. Regular face-to-face contact can help to offer support, ward off depression, and to stay positive.
IN MEMORY OF YOUR PET
HONORING YOUR PET
When a loved one passes, it can be difficult to keep their memory alive. Many people feel that they must do something to remember them but it is important to also note that this is also not always the case for everyone. Please respect each person's right to honor their loved ones in their way.
A REMINDER OF THE HAPPY TIMES SHARED
After a loved one passes, it can feel like a part of you has died along with them. Grief can be all-consuming making it difficult to focus on anything else. In this pain, it is natural to want to keep the memory of your pet alive.
To memorialize your beloved companion animal can be your way to acknowledge and honor the important role your pet played in your life. This can be done in many ways: sharing stories, looking at photographs and videos, spending time making a memory journal, etc.
While it may not seem like much, these small actions keep the memory of our loved ones alive and help us to remember the happy times shared. Keeping memories alive also helps us to appreciate how lucky we were to have them in our lives.
Other ways to memorialize your pet:
- Give back in their name to your local shelter and rescues
- Creating a keepsake: Something to keep with you in their memory. Please see below for LOCAL ARTISTS THAT CAN HELP YOU CREATE A KEEPSAKE.
- Carrying on a tradition: Carry on a tradition in your pet's honor whether it is to continue your daily walks, or an activity or ritual that you used to share
- Make a memorial: This can be as simple as a photo collage or a collection of a few personal items together in one corner.
- Planting a plant in memory of them
LOCAL ARTISTS THAT CAN HELP YOU CREATE A KEEPSAKE (United Arab Emirates)
- @pawwrt.ae: Pet portraits
- @6756bougainvillea: Resin keepsakes
There are many other artisans and companies that can help you create a keepsake of your passed pet. Many are International but ship globally and you can find them by searching the Internet.
For now, here are some options:
- Petsies
- Etsy
WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT...
GETTING ANOTHER PET
There are many wonderful reasons to once again share your life with another companion animal, and the decision of when to do so is very personal.
It may be tempting to rush out and fill the void left by your pet's death by immediately getting another one- perhaps doing so is what works for you. However in most cases, it is best to mourn your pet that has passed first. Wait until you are emotionally ready to open your heart and home. You may start by volunteering at a shelter or rescue group. Spending time caring for other pets that are not your own can help you decide if you are ready.
It may be tempting to rush out and fill the void left by your pet's death by immediately getting another one- perhaps doing so is what works for you. However in most cases, it is best to mourn your pet that has passed first. Wait until you are emotionally ready to open your heart and home. You may start by volunteering at a shelter or rescue group. Spending time caring for other pets that are not your own can help you decide if you are ready.
When you are ready, remember that your local animal shelter or rescue is a great place to find your next special friend.
LOCAL SHELTERS AND RESCUES (IN THE UNITED ARAB EMIRATES)
Please refer to this post from Pet With It that lists the active animal shelters and rescue centers in the United Arab Emirates.
MOVING FORWARD
"I don't think you ever move on- you move forward. The relationship you have with each pet is different. No one is going to replace that."
I NEED SOME HELP...
If you have questions regarding pet loss or any of its related topics that you need some help with, please do not hesitate to reach out. We may not have all the answers but we are here for you. We will do our best to answer you as quickly as possible, or offer you help in any way that we can.